Looking Within
by Shenlong Girl
Summary: Rose has landed in the other universe. Should she hope for a way back or carve out a new life for herself? And what unexpected resources might she find on the way? Action/Adventure Reunion!fic.
1. Silence

**Title:** Looking Within  
**Author:** Shen  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Setting/Spoilers:** Starts in the lever room during Doomsday, in my Peril-verse  
**Characters:** Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, Jake, Jackie and Pete Tyler, OCs  
**Teaser:** Rose has landed in the other universe. Should she hope for a way back or carve out a new life for herself? And what unexpected resources might she find on the way? Action/Adventure Reunion!fic.  
**Author's Note:** Angst. Woe. Due to its setting (see above), this chapter needs must be depressing, so bear with me. Also, it takes place in my Peril-verse (See my profile for the list of stories). If you've read those stories and would like a **recap**, I've helpfully posted one at _http://shengirl__ dot livejournal dot com/8390 dot html_ If you've not read them, why not give me a shot:D

**Chapter 1: Silence**

Rose held onto the lever with all the force of her considerable will. She could feel it; her fingers would soon break or tendons shortly rip, and still she tried to hold on that _few seconds_ longer. Injuries, the TARDIS could heal, but if she let go-

Rose looked at the Doctor, at the panic in his face, and wanted to renew her grip. But it was impossible. The void particles only gained momentum, tugging harder and harder, never relenting, until Tyler will was no match for physics and the weakness of flesh. Instead of a break or rending of tissue, a twitch shot down her arms, a reflex, survival mechanism turned dooming.

Rose fell back, sideways really, gravity overthrown by trans-dimensional physics. A macabre Superman knockoff in reverse. She screamed. A thud. Unfamiliar arms. A glance, shock of living. Horror of realization - and she was gone.

Rose landed dazed, in a heap with Pete at the 90 degree change in forces. But she was a smart girl; it took a mere second to realize what had been done. She propelled herself off of Pete's lap, stole a button rudely from Mickey's hand, and tore over to where she knew her wall clamp would be. Hit the button. Nothing. Hit it again. Nothing. And then the horrible reality came crashing around her ears, dragging her composure with it.

"Oh god..." she croaked. She heard her mother tentatively call her name, but, heedless, she stumbled to the wall. She could sense the singularity, or more accurately, her home universe on the other side, and it compelled her to beat her hands against the wall. She was dimly aware of her cries, "Bring me back!" while her mind howled in anguish. This wasn't supposed to happen!

A flutter on the edge of her consciousness made Rose still her mind. It grew stronger, and, instinctively, she knew the Doctor had moved to occupy the same space as her, a universe apart. With a practiced mind, she reached out for her lover, finding him heartbreakingly faint but wrapping herself in him all the same. They tangled together, a jumble of emotions hurriedly shared – love, comfort, horror, panic, all in a few seconds. Then, inexorable closing of the walls continued, and it was the lever all over again. Rose and her Doctor clung uselessly until it felt like just hands clasped, then fingertips gripping, then nothing as they were ripped apart.

* * *

For the first few days, Rose would wake wanting his body and reach out lazily with her mind. Waking alone had never been unusual, after all, not with a Time Lord for a bed-mate. However, she would only be met with emptiness, a sucking void where her lover should be, and it left her feeling nothing less than desolate. She'd grown accustomed to that blue and brown presence, never intruding but there should she want it. Toying with her dreams when he felt mischievous, radiating comfort after an adventure with a poor ending, telling him when he did something oh-so-right in bed. She worried even more for him. He was a psychic creature, lonely without someone to share his head at least a little; with her gone and no other Time Lords, he must be feeling that loss even moreso than she.

* * *

She tried to explain it to her mother one day. The woman desperately wished to better understand her daughter, and talking it out was supposed to be good for people, or so she'd been told.

"We were very close, Mum..." Rose began, sitting on the sofa after the household staff had gone home. She had her legs pulled up to her chest and a pillow squeezed in her arms, the picture of insecurity, but her mother sat turned towards her with a concerned expression.

"I know, sweetheart; it would take more denial than I'm capable of to miss that," Jackie responded with a faint smile. "You loved him."

"We were... together." The way her voice cracked as she said it made Jackie's heart break, but she pressed on. Now was not the time for her tears.

"I understand; I really do. I was much the same as you when your dad died. Lost is the word. Hard to see a future without him." And how was she supposed to feel, getting everything she ever wanted while her daughter drowned in misery? It was a facsimile of survivor's guilt, and it meant Jackie would do anything to make her feel better.

"I know, Mum. That's why I'm talking to you," said Rose, offering a smile even weaker than her mother's before continuing. "But it's different, too. You knew he was dead, and as horrible as that is, that's closure. He's there, and I'm here, and I'm left to wonder if he'll find a way back to me. Could happen tomorrow; could never happen at all."

"Well, you've got to-" Jackie began, but the floodgates had been opened.

"And there's more, Mum! I'm not the same as when I started traveling. My head- I'm sort of- psychic. _We_ were psychic, always there," Rose tried to explain, gesturing vaguely towards her head. Jackie was shocked to silence, so her daughter continued unfettered.

"And now, when I reach out, there's nothing. It's... lonely. Empty." Later, in more composed moments, Rose would call it the very definition of an 'audible silence.' "It's this yawning hole where he used to sit, and it can only be worse for him. Time Lord, he is, and there's no one else. But while I sit here, worrying for _his_ mind, I can't help but think selfishly, too. And that's... awful."

The jargon about Time Lords blew right past Jackie, but she did at last see something she could comment on, exclaiming, "Of course you're going to worry for yourself! And right now, that's the only worry that'll do you any good. You're right; he probably needs you more than you need him. But you've got to put yourself first now, move on." Rose gave a rough laugh.

"Don't you get it? 'Moving on.' I was never meant to have to move on. Our life was dangerous, and I understood that. I was never afraid to die. But I didn't... begin to imagine that I would be separated from the Doctor. I assumed I would die first, probably young. Worst case scenario, we would die together. But live on alone? Mum, I never thought to prepare myself for that!"

"But don't you see, Rose? Every young couple thinks that. No one realizes it, early in life, that they could lose their partner. I... I didn't know you were so serious with him. But you're not alone. If you want, we could even find a support group or something. Lots of people've lost loved ones to the Cybermen, or disease, or accidents. And you've got me and Mickey and even Pete."

"Support group? But he's not dead, Mum!"

Jackie gently insisted, "No, sweetheart, but he's gone. And we'll help you pick up the pieces, if you let us." She seemed to be getting through, but her daughter still looked wretched.

"Oh, Mum, what am I going to do?"

"You're going to live. One day at a time, Rose." Jackie pulled the younger woman against her chest, where she burrowed close. The Doctor had given Jackie Tyler more than she dare hope for, and all she could do to pay him back was take the best possible care of his lover. She'd make it so she deserved what she got, do whatever Rose needed for as long as necessary. What else were mothers for?

* * *

Rose Tyler had never been known for her listlessness or uselessness. After a week, she felt like she was going mad – nothing to do all day but wallow in her misery in a house that had staff to do all the cleaning and cooking. And telly only did so much to distract her from reliving the lever room again and again in her thoughts. Had she locked the lever improperly in the first place? Why didn't either of them think of a harness? How cold must she have appeared to her mother, abandoning her in this world without so much as a glance? Why wasn't she dead? Would she prefer to be? These questions raged over and over until, one night at dinner, she spoke up.

"I need a job." Not, "I want," or, "I would like." Pete and Jackie froze for a moment and looked at her.

"There's... no rush. I got funds to spare, and quite honestly, you don't eat much," Pete offered kindly, laughing gently at his own joke. Jackie and Rose didn't smile back as widely. The truth was, Rose had barely displayed an appetite at all.

"It's probably the dramatic drop in exercise," Rose lied before continuing, "and I appreciate your hospitality. Really... it's above and beyond, to give to a total stranger. But I need work, something to do with my life."

'Something to keep me occupied until the Doctor rescues me,' part of her thought, but she tried to ignore it.

Rose hadn't quite managed to keep the desperate tone from her voice, but she took a deep breath before continuing, "Thing is, I'm new to this world. And I know you're making me an identity here, so that part's taken care of, but I'm not sure what to look for, honestly. Or what I'm qualified for. It's all sort of... new. And I thought..." She trailed off.

"That I could suggest something for you? Of course! Ask me anything, anytime. But don't call us strangers; we saved the world together once," Pete cajoled.

"Of course," said Rose, finally smiling a little. Pete really was being incredibly kind to her, and she didn't miss how he used their shared adventure as justification rather than the fact that she was Jackie's daughter. It was accepting her on her own merits.

"And on that note, how would you like to do it again?" Rose saw her mother's sunny expression drop.

* * *

Within a few days, Rose reported to Torchwood headquarters for training.

"This is... militaristic," she stated, looking through the training requirements skeptically. She had agreed to work for them on the condition she could do field work, stay active. Much to her mother's chagrin, of course, but it was what she wanted.

Pete explained, "Training's thorough, but we're not an army, exactly. Just an organization that works with them sometimes. You'll be placed on a team of people balanced for investigation, diplomacy, and a bit of muscle – perfect for following up cases of suspicious occurrences suspected to have alien involvement."

"Without attracting too much attention or dying," Rose added with a small smile. She knew a thing or two about attracting the wrong kind of attention.

"Exactly! Now, right over here..." He led her to a desk where she could fill out what seemed like reams of paperwork (with Pete's patient assistance; she hadn't had time to memorize her new personal information). Next, she had to interview with a friendly woman who turned out to be part of the very small psychic division. After a few monotonous questions, Rose politely interrupted her.

"Um, sorry, I'm not Miss Cleo. Can't foretell the future; can't read minds. Couldn't glimpse someone's thoughts even if they wanted me to. I'm just... slightly psychic," she explained, heart twinging at the term. "Me and another psychic could... form a rapport. I might sense a psychic disturbance or communicate on some level with a telepathic race – but that's it. Does that help you classify me?" Rose smiled in an attempt to cover her curtness.

"Miss Cleo?" asked Pete, mystified, but he was ignored.

Though momentarily stunned by Rose's interruption, the woman smiled once again and responded, "Yes, that should. I just need to see what potential and training you have, so I know what you need. Now if I could..." She lifted her hand from the table and reached for Rose's temple. Rose twitched but reluctantly let the woman touch her and was rewarded with an impressed expression.

"You've got blocks up! And good ones, too. Most human psychics we find run about unshielded until we teach them better."

"I sort of learned that one the hard way," Rose said with a blush, remembering the specific circumstances surrounding that lesson. Then she looked down, attention drifting from her surroundings. Remembered physical and emotional intimacy flooded her mind, and she took a moment to mourn it.

"Rose?" she heard Pete ask gently. Taking great pains to steady herself, swallowing grief and emptying her mind like only a psychic can do, she responded after several seconds.

"I'm fine, Pete." Still, she did not look him in the eye.


	2. Memories that Bite

**Title:** Looking Within  
**Author:** Shen  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Setting/Spoilers:** Post-Doomsday, in my Peril-verse (see my profile). Recap of said 'verse is at_http://shengirl_ _dot livejournal dot com/8390 dot html_  
**Characters:** Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, Jake, Jackie and Pete Tyler, OCs  
**Teaser:** Rose has landed in the other universe. Should she hope for a way back or carve out a new life for herself? And what unexpected resources might she find on the way? Action/Adventure Reunion!fic.

**Chapter 2: Memories that Bite**

Rose Tyler did well in Torchwood training. She was almost frighteningly good at the obstacle course, for one. The trainee instructor had held her after the session to tell her as much when a voice came out of nowhere.

"That one's something of a professional when it comes to running for your life." Rose turned around to see a familiar face.

"Mickey!" she exclaimed girlishly before giving him a hug. The trainer sighed and shook his head.

"That was less than terrifying. Thank you for that disillusionment; I had this woman pegged as a machine."

"A machine? Really?" asked Mickey, delighted. The trainer nodded.

"She learned the course faster than anyone. Not a bad runner, either. The only thing is that she's... frankly bad at shooting." Rose smiled sheepishly at Mickey and shrugged, and he laughed at her.

"'S'what you get for not letting that Jack guy teach you to shoot," he admonished.

"I didn't exactly like guns at the time! And who knows where his blasters had been?" At this, Mickey acquired a horrified expression, much as if someone had suggested Jackie Tyler learn to pole dance. Rose couldn't stop herself from snickering at him a little.

"A laugh! That was a real laugh from you," Mickey observed aloud, clearly pleased. Rose took a moment to study the man, her ex-boyfriend. They'd started out four years apart. Then, a few days for her had been a year to him, increasing the age difference. She'd made up some of it traveling; they never quite kept to her mum's timeline. But then Mickey had spent 3 years in the alternate universe, when to her it had been six months. All in all, he was about seven years her senior. But through all the drama, all the non-synchronicity, he'd stayed in her corner. He'd found his niche in life and gotten well-over her, but he was still her best mate. For that, she would never cease to be grateful.

Through her few weeks of training, he insisted on taking her to movies or diners, which had caught on in this universe's Europe. On the days he did this, he kept her out shockingly late, leaving her exhausted. Rose was no fool; she knew he did this because of the trouble she'd confessed having with falling asleep. And it did the trick, often affording her dreamless rest.

Training complete, Rose was placed in a cell with Mickey, Jake, and another woman named Ingrid. She suspected Pete had something to do with this but said nothing. Mickey, as their leader, named the team "SG-1."

"Mickey, you are such a fanboy," Rose had teased him, shaking her head.

"What? Stargate doesn't exist here, so I need to do it honor somehow!"

* * *

"Tin Dog to Chippy," came a voice from Rose's earpiece. It was Mickey, who had learned a great deal about computers in Pete's World and was quite a good shot. Also, as the senior member of the team, he was the designated leader. She hit the button to respond, whispering.

"Chippy is in position with Mohawk and ready to go, Tin." She glanced at Jake, their explosives man and easily the best fighter; he caught her eye and nodded.

"Queen Hurt is set to go," came Ingrid's voice. Jake shook his head and rolled his eyes at her self-chosen code name, and Rose nodded sympathetically. Ingrid was a medical doctor and very organized with information, if a little silly. At least Rose had been able to talk Mickey out of using "T'ealc," albeit by "talk" she meant "laugh hysterically until he'd said, 'nevermind.'" They'd ended up choosing playfully insulting names for each other.

She liked this team. They complimented each other remarkably well. Rose may not have had the same level of training in any one given thing as her comrades, but she knew her place. She was no doctor, but she knew first aid. She wasn't the best shot, but she never committed friendly fire, either. Excellent in a rouse, she'd learned her BSing skills from the best. Ingrid had more training to help pick up on the technical significance of novel machinery, but Rose had an affinity with alien items that came from long experience and an open mind. (Torchwood had just _loved_ finding out that the device studied by one scientist for two weeks was merely a hair/fur dryer.) And no amount of militarism could destroy her empathy; she was easily the most likely to hug a juvenile ball of slime separated from its parent. The only troubles came from a lack of a clear chain of command. Sure, Mickey was supposed to be the leader, but the Preachers had never been that organized, and even a Time Lord couldn't keep Rose from wandering off and ignoring orders.

Currently, they were in a run-down section of a docks district. Druggies and their dealers had been turning up dead recently, and while that normally wouldn't draw the attention of Torchwood, the nature of their wounds did: precise scorch marks, as if from a laser or blaster. So, the team had figured out what area the dealers used, vaguely, and began scanning. An hour and a half later, they'd found some kind of signal and narrowed it down to one warehouse. Now, they were approaching it carefully and from two directions.

Rose quickly picked the lock to the office of the supposedly abandoned warehouse, and she and Jake slipped quietly inside, guns drawn. Calm discussion wasn't the priority with aliens who slaughtered random loiterers. They had forgone flashlights, instead feeling their way carefully around the furniture. It was nearly certain that some alien presence was here, and it wouldn't do to announce their visit with lights. If they were lucky, they would even see the enemy before they were seen. After covering the small office, they listened at the door to the main warehouse. Silence. Jake nodded to Rose in the dim moonlight, and they threw open the door, careful not to let it slam against the wall. Jake was through first, ranging around with his gun, Rose covering him from behind. Nothing. However, they spied a glow from behind a pallet of what was probably forgotten garbage.

The pair crept towards it, careful to remain hidden by the pallet. Should they run into trouble, Mickey and Ingrid were prepared to burst in through the back door to assist._Tp. Chk._ Sounded like a step and the jostling of a metal device – and then gunfire! She whirled around. Something armed had apparently snuck up on Jake only to be shot by her lightning-fast teammate. Shouts came from the area of light; the others had heard and were coming for them! Rose ran around the pallet opposite the side she knew most of the aliens would run. At the glow's source, she spied a table and a large computer terminal full of unfamiliar symbols – all mere yards from her. Two figures remained by the table; she shot the armed one in the head. Rose then shared a look with the other one, both shocked for a split-second. Humanoid, orange scales, three horns on its head, staring desperately between her and her firearm. It hit a button on the console. Blinding pain erupted behind her eyes, every sense she'd gained since the Gamestation afire, and she promptly passed out.

* * *

"Rose! Y'all right? Chippy?" Ingrid's voice penetrated the muck around Rose's consciousness. She slowly trod through it, led by the voice of her teammate, until she could crack an eye open. The medic looked truly distressed.

"Oh, thank God. None of us saw what happened. You were just on the ground, and your vitals were fine, but I couldn't wake you up."

"'M okay," Rose assured her, sitting up. And, to her surprise, she was, at least physically. Mentally, she felt scattered and raw, even violated. Ingrid was watching her worriedly, so she forcibly replaced her dismayed expression with a smile. Then, she started laughing hysterically.

"Um... Rose?" Ingrid prompted. Suddenly, Rose ceased laughing and turned towards Mickey, animosity bare on her features. Ingrid actually scooted back.

"That bastard," she muttered. The object of her ire was blithely inspecting the alien machinery with other personnel that must have arrived while she was unconscious. How long had she been out?

At a loss, Ingrid could only utter, "What?" Rose pushed some anger aside in favor of bewilderment, trying to vocalize what she was feeling.

"I- for some reason, it just hit me, when he was ten and I was six, him tossing my stuffed bear in the mud." Next, quite out of the blue, Rose burst into tears. Now, Ingrid looked truly alarmed.

"Oh, my God. I've _never_ seen you cry; what the hell's wrong?!"

"Rose?" Mickey inquired incredulously from across the room.

Mortified, Rose sobbed, "I don't know! I can't-" she hiccuped, "I'm not upset!" Genuine frustration was evident in her voice.

"Something's messed with your... emotions? Hormones? I guess it could be worse than spontaneous crying..." Ingrid tried. This was ridiculous. Rose crossed her legs and closed her eyes, trying to meditate like she'd been taught. Her mind was a complete mess, and nothing was solid. Emotions and memories floated to the surface before rolling back into the bundle, with no discernible sequence.

_Anger. Intense animosity and humiliation after leaving Jimmy and crawling back to her mum._

"_How many times have you seen_ Titanic, _Doctor?" she asked her lover as they whiled away an evening, her posing for him as he drew. Sometimes naked, sometimes no._

"_I don't know what you mean," he'd protested with a small smile. He paused in his drawing to give her a loving look, brown eyes soft and adoring. She'd felt cherished._

"_You'll be late for school, Rose! I'm not writing you a note this time!" her mum's voice waking her._

_She was seven, staring wide-eyed at what would be the first pony she'd ever ride._

Rose shook off the raging emotions and calmed her sobs. The odd tear still ran down her cheek, but it was immaterial. She pictured her churning memories as a mass off colors and pictures, which she then forced into a great ball. Images would burst from its surface like solar flares, but she would slam them down, finally wrapping the ball in a mental chain. She was calmer. Little things would bleed through the hold-

"_I'm yours," the Doctor nearly whispered, resting his forehead against hers._

-but it was manageable. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes – and nearly jumped out of her skin. Six pensive eyes were a foot from her head.

"Jesus! Don't do that!" Rose yelped at her team.

"Are you all right?" Jake asked seriously.

"I'll be fine. The orlick hit a button just before I passed out; it must have been that," Rose answered, already growing weary of being fussed over.

"Why only you?" wondered Ingrid.

At the same time, Mickey went, "Orlick?"

"Like Ingrid said, my body's fine. That was a psychic attack. I feel... scrambled. My head's all..." she shook it before continuing, frustrated bewilderment evident in her tone, "Anyway, those are orlicks. Last time I saw these guys, they were running a honeymoon satellite! Pandering to rich tourists! I mean, even the jail cells were clean and relatively comfortable; I slept through most of my time there."

"Why do so many of your stories involve imprisonment? Did you explore the universe's wonders or go on an extended tour of its penal facilities?" Ingrid asked.

Already aware of the answer to that query, Mickey was more concerned with, "What were you doing on a honeymoon satellite?!"

"Minzo. But..." Rose ignored the questioning looks and trailed off. Then, she looked resigned. "I have no idea _when_ we visited that satellite. They could have changed from warrior people to entrepreneurs over time. Not that much difference, really. Plus, alternate universe."

"Did they use psychic weapons when you met them before?"

"No, not at all. Orlicks aren't telepathic." Rose decided to deflect further interrogation. Memories of her time with the Doctor were hard enough to bring up in normal circumstances, much less after a brain scramble.

"Hey, Mick, come 'ere," she requested. When he inched closer, she smacked him one good in the arm.

"Oi! What the bloody hell was that for?!"

"When you were a ten-year-old little git," she answered honestly. SG-1 eventually left other Torchwood personnel to collect the bodies and examine the equipment, but evidence suggested that the few aliens were an advance guard gathering intelligence, maybe mercenaries, alone on the planet... for now.

* * *

It was a long drive back to London, and more than once, Rose wished for the Zero Room to clear her head and rebuild her mental defenses. She went to bed that night just shattered. Disturbed by memories freshly dragged through her consciousness, she slept fitfully. And then, in the middle of the night, a familiar presence:

_Rose._


	3. Only Rose

**Title:** Looking Within  
**Author:** Shen  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Setting/Spoilers:** Post-Doomsday, in my Peril-verse (see my profile). Recap of said 'verse is at _http://shengirl_ _dot livejournal dot com/8390 dot html_  
**Characters:** Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, Jake, Jackie and Pete Tyler, OCs  
**Teaser:** Rose has landed in the other universe. Should she hope for a way back or carve out a new life for herself? And what unexpected resources might she find on the way? Action/Adventure Reunion!fic.

**Chapter 3: Only Rose**

The car was silent as it left Dårlig Ulv Stranden. Rose sat in the back seat, arms crossed on her knees and her head buried in them. There was no rigidity to her form; she rocked with every turn of the vehicle, listless. Softly, her mother laid a hand on her back in a gesture of fruitless comfort. She was certain she was the quintessential picture of defeat, but at the moment she could not care less. When she'd heard the Doctor in her head, TARDIS-boosted but oh-so-faint, she could barely tell it was him. Like looking at someone through milky glass. But as she drew closer to the beach, he became more defined, and they could reach out and touch minds. Heartbreakingly faint, hardly true communion, but she would take what she could. And as he became clearer to her, so did his emotional state: Depressed resignation. It told her he did not have a way for her to get back, and yet to _hear_ it, "You can't," not ever again...

"Rose... you don't have to come back to work right away," Pete suddenly offered. Rose stiffened beneath Jackie's hand.

"Don't you worry about work right now, sweetheart," she soothed. Work? There were a few moments of silence in which Rose's mind raced with thoughts of work. At the end of her furious philosophizing, she realized there was almost no choice.

Mickey tentatively asked, "Are you going to quit?"

"No," Rose stated adamantly, finally moved to speech. She could have been happy with the Doctor even without the danger and time travel. She'd told him as much on the sanctuary base. But if she couldn't have her first love, she'd be damned if she'd give up her second – adrenaline. Before, work had been something to keep her occupied while waiting on the Doctor. Even if she could only admit that to herself in the dead of night when she couldn't sleep, it was true. Her TARDIS key remained around her neck, and she'd had her phone refitted for use at work. Not only was Torchwood unable to match a superphone for reception, but she had to have it on her in case the Doctor needed to call.

No more. Being an adrenaline junkie had to be an end unto itself from now on. And helping people, defending the Earth, or what else was her time with the Doctor for?

* * *

It was a few days before Rose pulled out of her haze of grief and humorless, machine-like work efficiency. Somewhere in the middle of filling out endless paperwork – which was distinctly _not_ chasing aliens or being undercover or anything else adrenaline-inducing – she got to thinking. Bad Wolf Bay? Why Bad Wolf here, in another dimension? How? When she had seen everything that is, was, and could be, had she seen this separation from the Doctor? Perhaps it was unavoidable. Or avoiding it would have had some kind of cataclysmic result. In that case, was the name of the bay just a sign that she had left an extra hole in the universe, something to give herself a goodbye and some closure? She supposed that, if her super-powered self could not preserve her happiness, it would at least want to preserve her sanity.

Or was it a way back?

No. Down that road lay madness. If she'd gone through the trouble to tell herself that there was no hope, to value realism over a dream doomed to non-fulfillment, she could at least listen to herself. But if there was a way...

After long debate with herself, Rose decided that she would live her life as normal unless another sign was seen. After all, "Bad Wolf" had been graffitied all over time and space before. If this was truly another message of encouragement to herself, surely she would have left it at least twice. Until then, it would be downright unhealthy to get her hopes up.

* * *

"Man, that orlick still won't talk," Mickey whined by way of greeting one morning. Rose blinked at him.

"What orlick?"

"The only one that lived? It was that blighter that pushed the button on the weapon that put you out."

Confused, Rose asked, "Did you take it out of the room while I was unconscious?"

"Yeah, it was injured. You didn't know? It, uh, it was in the report we turned in. The report you added to."

"..." Mickey was looking at her skeptically, but she remained silent for fear of embarrassing herself further. She really was rubbish at paperwork... and at caring about paperwork.

"...Right, well, there's a captured orlick, and it's being very stoic."

"Well, you better let me talk to it," Rose stated.

"What? Why?" inquired a puzzled Mickey. Rose coolly quirked a brow at him.

"Any other ideas?"

* * *

Rose wasn't sure what had possessed her to try and talk to the alien. Something that wasn't paperwork had appeared in her field of vision, and she'd snapped at the line like a doomed river trout. Now, irrevocably hooked into it by her own stubbornness, she entered the alien's interrogation room and sat across the table from it. Her, actually; the orlick was clearly a female.

"Oh, now they send the psychic in after me? What are you going to do, probe my mind?" she asked bitterly. Rose wrinkled her nose at her.

"Firstly, no. You may have violated my mind, but I'm not about to do it to you in return. Second, you're speaking English."

The orlick shrugged and responded simply, "Easy enough to learn. With our techniques." She didn't elaborate, and Rose didn't prod her.

"What's your name?" she asked instead. The orlick displayed brief surprise before hardening.

"Do not attempt to be friendly to me. I know you are a killer. I saw. This technique will not work with me." The disgust-sodden words cut Rose to the quick. She'd shot that orlick in the head without a second thought. Pure reflex. When had violence become instinct for her? Yet, she didn't have time to dwell on it.

"Listen, I'm sorry," she said sincerely, "but he was about to shoot me."

"Your people attacked _us_," the other woman argued.

"I would honestly have preferred to trap you all. No death." Rose kept her tone even, but it only vexed the orlick further.

"And what did you expect us to do?! You snuck into our place of work with guns!"

"You snuck into our planet with weapons and killed any bystanders who inconvenienced you," Rose countered, letting just a little steel slip into her tone. The alien faltered. She was clearly agitated now, fidgeting in her seat and jingling her handcuffs.

"Look, it was a job. Work! We were mercenaries. Like family. And now..." she trailed off. Rose softened.

"I'm sorry." The alien looked surprised, and Rose continued tentatively, working on a hunch, "The one I shot. Was he very special to you?"

"He..." the alien stared fixedly at her knee. "It hardly matters now. But, scientist and soldier, we thought... even if I was not hard enough for the life, I could learn... perfect for a mercenary band. But thank you. No one else here has apologized."

God help her, Rose was about to cry. The loss of her own love was still too fresh to keep a poker face. So, she sniffled as she got up, walked around the table, and put a hand on the alien's shoulder.

"I know. I really, really know." The alien turned to look her in the eye, and Rose could tell she believed her, convinced by the raw agony in her eyes or her voice. "But you have to listen to me. This planet is full of people, people I care about. And somewhere out there are the people who sent you here. To attack aliens who were innocent but far from unarmed. Sent you with inadequate numbers and weapons. They're responsible for the loss of your family, and now I want to protect _my_ family from them. Can you help me?"

To Rose's relief, she could and did. It helped that the orlick was stuck on Earth until Torchwood could flag down a hitchhiker-friendly space tourist. It behooves anyone on a doomed planet to do everything in her power to help it.

* * *

"Alright, this is really important!" Rose declared as she walked up to Pete. Mickey happened to be talking with him at the time, and both men grew concerned at her appearance.

"Rose did it... did the orlick make you cry?" Pete asked incredulously. "It's alright; you're just worse off than we thought. I really should have thought twice about letting you work in this state. And you, Mickey, you let her go in there with it!"

"Wha-? She... tricked me?" Mickey tried lamely. Rose sighed.

"Can't a pair of girls just have a good cry together? Is that a crime now?!" Rose demanded with an edge of hysteria. "I'm sorry it was on company time, boss, but I think you'll find the information I got to be quite worth what you'll pay me for the time!" Looking thoroughly chastised, the men remained silent.

"Thought so. Linnae – that's her name, not that anyone else bothered to ask – was part of a mercenary band. They were doing recon for a species called the krey. Well, kreylavindo...hala... something, but I'm calling them the krey. There are probably other recon teams on Earth right now, but Linnae's says this area is going to be point zero. Since we have the most proficient defenses against aliens."

"Only you could extract that kind of information with a good sob," Mickey said, clearly impressed.

"Point zero?" asked Pete resignedly.

"For their invasion."

* * *

When Pete called together the higher ups of Torchwood, Rose quickly explained what she had learned from Linnae and immediately followed it by stating she had a plan.

"Oh? It better be good, fresh meat," growled an older man.

"Indeed; we won't take your idea just because no one's had a chance to think of another yet," agreed the financial advisor.

"Please, if someone has a better idea, use that one. I'm working for our survival, not for my own career advancement," Rose countered sternly. The Tyler glare had been shaming children and husbands for generations, and this time it even made a few executives blush. This was more like it. Adrenaline. She didn't have to feel when it was pumping, just_do._

"The krey are highly telepathic, but to my knowledge, we don't have any effective psychic weapons," Rose enunciated, trying to sound professional. "And I'm told they should be immune to the one the orlicks used on me." It made sense. Why give your workers something they can use against you?

She continued, "So, we'll have to rely on regular weapons, assuming diplomatic overtures are declined. I suggest we have forces set to meet them on the ground but that we also send cells up to their main ship. The recon teams each had a teleporter so they could be picked up before the invasion rolled over their hiding territory. There's a code on it to prevent humans using it, but Linnae knows it."

"Do we want to split our forces like that?" Pete asked the room.

"That's what the army's for," Rose answered. The military liaison nodded.

"In the event of a large-scale invasion, Torchwood is only meant to support the armed forces with intel and such. We're smaller and mostly covert, after all." Rose nodded in agreement.

"We can sneak around the ship and try to disable it. Or see if we can find any weaknesses. Basically anything that can help; the plan's honestly a bit fuzzy there, but we can only be so helpful to the military. Better to have us in our element, as it were." The military liaison began discussing possible strategies with the other higher ups, and it was agreed that, barring new information, this was the best plan. Preparations had begun.


	4. Invasion

**Title:** Looking Within  
**Author:** Shen  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Setting/Spoilers:** Post-Doomsday, in my Peril-verse (see my profile). Recap of said 'verse is at _http://shengirl_ _dot livejournal dot com/8390 dot html_  
**Characters:** Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, Jake, Jackie and Pete Tyler, OCs  
**Teaser:** Rose has landed in the other universe. Should she hope for a way back or carve out a new life for herself? And what unexpected resources might she find on the way? Action/Adventure Reunion!fic.  
**Author's Note:** So, uh, that last chapter didn't go over that well, but I'm confident you guys'll like this one better. If not, please tell me why so I don't do it again! BONUS: I doodled the alien in this chapter (key word: doodle). If it looks goofy, GOOD! It's an alien. :-p

**Chapter 4: Invasion**

"I'm going," Rose nearly growled. Surrounded by her team and her sort-of father, she felt very much cornered.

"You're not alright, Rose. What about sleep? You've barely left work." Pete explained gently.

"Neither have you!" Rose protested, taking a high-pitched tone. "It's been just days since we've learned of a full-scale alien invasion. This is Torchwood. No time for leisure. And I do sleep, thank you," she finished with derision.

"Do you?" Pete asked pointedly. He met her glare with his own, and Rose felt a blush creep up on her cheeks. She had thrown herself into work lately, thinking of nothing else until Mickey or Pete dragged her away to the Tyler Manor for sleep. Most nights, she'd let wracking sobs consume her before exhaustion finally took over. Pete must have heard. Still, Rose didn't let any embarrassment creep into her voice.

"Trust me," she insisted, "you want this on the front lines. I'm in the perfect state to fight aliens, and more importantly, you can't send SG-1 out with just three people." Her face was set, and from the slightly disturbed looks on people's faces, Rose thought she must look a little mad. But she needed this. She needed to work and plan and then fight, keep on her toes, do anything but sit still and think. She had yet to really mourn the loss of the Doctor – the second loss, deeper than the first because it was the destruction of hope. And she didn't intend to have time to do so anytime soon.

So, she glared at her boss until he grimaced and sighed, "Fine. But you're no good to me exhausted."

"I agree. As your doctor, I say you don't go anywhere until you eat a proper meal and have a real sleep," said Ingrid.

"Give me pills," Rose immediately demanded.

"What?"

"If you want me to sleep, I would like a dose of something," Rose clarified, voice cracking just a little. She really was shattered, physically run down and an emotional wreck. But natural sleep wouldn't come without reflecting on what she'd lost, and a full night's rest wouldn't be dreamless – the reason she had been getting up bright and early to return to work every day. So, pills.

* * *

The plan was as well-laid out as it could be, given limited information. Linnae had said that the krey evolved as cave-dwellers, ill-suited to bright light, so they would most likely attack at night. The British armed forces, as well as the military forces of other countries, had been informed of this and encouraged to supply their troops with bright lamps to catch krey off guard up close. Then, the very night after Rose was argued into a good night's sleep – barely a week since the return from Dårlig Ulv Stranden – the attack came.

A simple nuclear holocaust was undesirable for the designs the krey had for the planet, so they came down the old-fashioned way: bombers and fighters. The main Torchwood building began to rumble with not-very-distant explosions, and augmented British jets blew by it on their way to the fight. SG-1 stepped up, the first to attempt a trip via teleporter. Another team would follow, covering different parts of the alien ship. It was a pretty high-class transmat by Rose's standards; the team was together enough to shoot the technician who met them before he could even set off an alarm.

They stopped a moment to examine the body in the very dim light of the ship. The creature was obviously not a built fighter. Actually, it looked a bit ridiculous. It was about three feet tall at the shoulder and stood on four sturdy legs, using a long prehensile tail to hold tools and, presumably, weapons. Curiously, there was a blaster clearly designed for humanoids hanging from its side. Each foot had scoop-like claws, more suited to digging than fighting, and the front paws had a crude, thumb-like structure that was much shorter on the rear paws. Trailing up the alien with her eyes, Rose saw a longish neck with some kind of breathing hole or scent duct in the middle. The head was truly bizarre; it had a short trunk ending in some kind of toothed mouth. There were spindly appendages on the head, perhaps feelers. Then, there were the expressive eyes, for some reason on a raised brow-like structure on the top half of the face.

[Visual aide at _http://userpages__ dot umbc dot edu/ashr1/Krey20resized.jpg _

"It's like... a carnivorous anteater," Mickey reflected.

"Anteaters _are_ carnivorous," said Ingrid wryly.

Jake commented, "It's certainly not cute. Must live in some warm caves; they ain't got fur." Just then, the other team transmatted in behind them.

"Woah, it looks like an ant-"

"We know," Rose interrupted impatiently. "You go this way; we'll go that way."

"Oi, I'm the commander," Mickey protested, sounding injured. Rose managed an apologetic look.

"Sorry."

He sighed and said, "'Sokay, I guess. Do what she said, fellas." The teams split off and traveled in silence. The going wasn't as quick as Rose would have liked due to the low lighting, but they made do. Unfortunately, after about fifteen minutes, there was the _schfff_ of a door sliding open behind them while they traversed one corridor. The whole team spun around in unison.

A whistling noise escaped the necks of the attacking krey as Jake flipped on the high-powered lamp strapped to his chest. Their eyes were still scrunched in pain when SG-1 opened fire. They mowed down around ten, but some krey had remained in the side doorway.

"Aargh!" Jake cried out as laser fire shot through and around the lamp, lighting up his chest and arm. He fell over, breathing through clenched teeth, and the remaining three automatically stepped in front of him. The fight was done, however. More krey trooped out into the corridor, and now the team was half-surrounded by armed aliens. A few stamped the ground impatiently. The message was clear: surrender or die.

"Let's put down our weapons," Mickey ordered regretfully. As they did, one krey walked closer to them. His eyes were wide, and his feelers where twitching tirelessly. He stared intently at Rose before extending his trunk-like appendage and touching her hand. She started. There was something... Just outside of her rigidly maintained psychic barriers, there was a presence. Nothing intrusive, just there should she wish to examine it. Tentatively, she did.

_Aha, so you are telepathic, if a bit weak. And to think, the orlicks told us not to bother with psychic weaponry. But look at you! Fascinating._ Rose sensed unabashed awe in the creature's "voice," which was puzzling.

"Rose, what's it doing?" Mickey asked, worriedly confused. She glanced to the side and saw that Ingrid was tending to a moaning Jake, while their discarded weapons had been removed by the clumsy front feet of a few aliens.

"It's talking to me, in my head," she answered distractedly, caught up in receiving the next message.

_I can't believe it. You're not a true telepath at all, just a mediocre psychic by galactic standards. But you _burn! _There's a dazzling inferno in your mind; I can barely keep touching you it's so bright. Oh, I would love to study you,_ it continued, reminding Rose eerily of the Doctor's rambling enthusiasm, _but the krapak says I'm not allowed to collect any pets this trip. Still, no use wasting a good test subject. You and the other psychics on this rock are going to find out about our new weapon for us._

Rose resisted the urge to pull away from the rubbery appendage and it's evil owner to respond, _But you're a telepath, too! Won't it hurt you?_ In response, the krey used its tail to tap something near its ear hole. A gleam of metal, probably an implant.

_Inhibitor chip. Now, a moment while I contact Krapak Badwulf._ Rose froze.

"...What did you say his name was?" she whispered aloud, forgetting herself in shock.

_Krapak Badwulf,_ it answered impatiently. She didn't even have time to process the information before something crashed into her brain. More prepared for psychic attack after the last incident, she nonetheless had no true defense against this. It smacked into her like a Mack truck, stung and stabbed like a thousand needles, tearing apart her barriers. She fell to her knees in agony, clutching the sides of her head.

"Rose!" three voices called out.

"A- weapon-!" she managed before letting out a scream. Ingrid ran to her side, but she thrashed, becoming more unconnected from reality by the moment.

She dimly heard Mickey growl, "You're killing her!"

"Aaaa-eeh," Rose brought it down to a pathetic groan, trying to control herself as memories flashed behind her eyes, all of them horrible, and blinding pain roared beside them in her consciousness. She couldn't think straight; even holding onto her body was too much, and she collapsed forward. Was Ingrid shaking her?

Her eyes flew open, "AAAAHHHH!" She raggedly howled her lungs out, suddenly displaying the eyeshine of a wolf but brighter. The light was in her mind as well, scorching the worst of the attack away, but still she bayed plaintively. She felt possessed, consumed by something that slowly dipped into the calm part of her mind. Then, it extended a paw to the world outside her head and stepped down. Suddenly, all of the krey began to make their agitated whistling sounds. Each one fell over, some rolling on the ground, many scrabbling their claws against the metal of the floor. The picture of near-silent anguish they made was almost humorous. Finally, just as suddenly as it started, the attack stopped. Rose went limp and passed out.

* * *

"Rose?!" Mickey yelled, frantic from his position by Jake. He'd been holding his friend's wounds and keeping him awake while Ingrid tended Rose through the attack. Now, she checked her over quickly, and her whole frame abruptly relaxed.

"She's alive. I don't know about 'fine;' I don't like how fast her heart's beating. But she's better off than Jake. And certainly healthier than these bastards," she added, gesturing around at the krey. Most had died, and what few were left stared blankly at the walls or ceiling.

"What happened?" Jake grunted groggily.

"I think... I think she blew out whatever was protecting these guys from the weapon. And then either she overloaded that or someone turned it off," Mickey reasoned slowly.

"That... okay, that can make sense later. For now, let's see what the damage is down below. These two need medical attention badly," Ingrid asserted. It took them two trips, one to help Jake and another for Mickey to carry the unconscious Rose. On the second trip, he even ran into the other team, also limping back towards the transmat. It seemed the psychic barrage had come just in time to save their hides.

Back on Earth, quite a few Torchwood psychics in various stages of lucidity could be found in the infirmary and in the many army medical tents found in the city. It was a disaster zone, a few crashed terrestrial and alien fighters scattered in the city and many more where pilots had managed to draw enemies away from the population zone. But it was over. Every alien had been disabled by the weapon.

Pete was thrilled to hear that the transmats still worked and that the ships would remain in orbit for easy salvage. Jake took lots of pain medication and got proper treatment. And Rose slept on, looking more peaceful than anyone had seen her for weeks.


	5. Damage Control

**Title:** Looking Within  
**Author:** Shen  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Setting/Spoilers:** Post-Doomsday, in my Peril-verse (see my profile). Recap of said 'verse is at _http://shengirl_ _dot livejournal dot com/8390 dot html_  
**Characters:** Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, Jake, Jackie and Pete Tyler, OCs  
**Teaser:** Rose has landed in the other universe. Should she hope for a way back or carve out a new life for herself? And what unexpected resources might she find on the way? Action/Adventure Reunion!fic.

**Chapter 5: Damage Control**

Rose woke slowly, allowing herself a luxurious, cat-like stretch before opening her eyes.

"Rose!" a voice screeched, making her nearly fall out of bed in shock. It turned out to be her mother, who was sitting in a chair at her bedside and looking terribly concerned.

"Um, hi, Mum," Rose said, swiftly taking in her surroundings. She was in a medical ward with several other beds, and most people were unconscious. Looking out the window, she surmised it was night. Then, the details of the mission began to come back to her in pieces. She knew they'd been on the krey ship, captured. The scientist had put a... snoot on her arm to speak telepathically... but that was nighttime as well. How long had she been out?

"Loo!" she said suddenly.

"What?" her mother yelped, startled. A muddled, "Stuff it, we're tryin'a sleep," came from one of the adjacent beds, but neither woman paid it any heed. Rose swung out of her own bed only to look down at herself in horror and indignation.

"What the hell?" she drawled incredulously. "I don't know why I'm here, but the way I'm feeling now, it obviously couldn't have been bad enough to warrant one of these embarrassing hospital gowns!" A surge of urgency blindsided her just then, making her eyes widen. "Screw it, loo!" She ran off, leaving her mother in her dust

* * *

A trip to the head and a change of clothes later, Rose assured Jackie that she felt fine and went about finding her team. As she went along, the rest of the mission came into focus in her mind. The weapon, which was nothing short of psychological torture. Some presence in her mind – she wasn't sure what it had done, only that it had acted through her and ended the agony. And the name of the invasion leader. Badwulf. Bad Wolf. The phrase drove her to distraction, and she had to oust in from her thoughts to get anything done. 

Jake was the easiest to find; he was asleep in the same ward she had been, bandaged quite thoroughly. Rose gave a little moue of sympathy and ran a hand along his cheek before going off in search of someone else. Mickey had passed out on a cot, either too concerned about his teammates or too exhausted to make it home. From there, it was easy to get him, Ingrid, Pete, and Jackie into Pete's office to talk. Rose wasn't sure why this was necessary, but Mickey seemed to insist on it.

"Rose, how do you feel?" Ingrid demanded as soon as she breezed in the door. The woman looked ragged herself, and Rose suspected she had been treating patients all day and night.

"A sight better than you, I expect." Ingrid snorted and gave a wry smile.

"Thanks."

"So, why are we having an impromptu meeting? The danger is over, right? Oh god, don't tell me they're sending a second force. Did you find something in their computers?" Rose asked, becoming more worried by the second.

"We haven't even gotten to the computers yet. It's still on the damage control stage," Pete quickly explained. Mickey nodded and spoke next.

"I need to talk to you about the report we submit. So, first, you have to tell us exactly what happened." He looked very serious, which alarmed Rose.

"You were all there. The scientist-"

"Scientist?" interrupted Ingrid, which made Rose remember that the whole conversation she'd had with the alien had been telepathic. So, she rehashed it to the group.

"But why did you turn yellow? None of the krey turned yellow when the weapon hit them. And since when are you so powerful! Near as we can tell, you shot the signal back through the weapon somehow and overloaded the chips we found in their heads. Every one of them was fried. Then, the weapon blew out," Ingrid ranted. Her tone was a mix of awe and confusion, but Rose barely heard the end of what she had to say.

"I... I turned yellow?" she asked cautiously.

"What do you mean, she turned yellow?!" Jackie exclaimed helpfully.

"Jacks-" Pete began, but his wife cut him off.

"Oh no, Pete Tyler, don't you try and explain anything to me. You're still in the doghouse for letting her go up there in the first place."

"Mum, I practically ordered him to let me go. Besides, I've turned yellow before. Did my eyes glow?"

"Yep, your eyes were so bright I couldn't look at them," Ingrid affirmed.

"When was this?" Pete asked, intrigued.

"When Mum and Mickey helped me open the TARDIS and get back to the Doctor. I used her power to do a lot of impossible things, and I apparently got very shiny. But that doesn't make sense! I..." Rose drifted off, suddenly acquiring a very alarmed expression. She grabbed Mickey's arm.

"You can't let the rest of Torchwood know. They'll want to study it. It's not something I can, like, conjure up at will; I don't even remember all the details of what it did before I passed out. Honest, most of the time I'm just a very mediocre psychic." She didn't exactly sound panicked, but her eyes were wide and demeanor serious. Torchwood knew about her past with the Doctor - not that they advertised it to most of the personnel – and they valued her experience. But if they thought that she had some sort of psychic, magical, glowy, physics-be-damned power, it would undoubtedly be a long and uncomfortable few months for Rose. If, indeed, it took only a few months. Even Pete couldn't protect her from that.

"We won't, Rose. We'll write up a report, and if it's good enough for me, it'll be good enough for the rest of the board," Pete assured her after a long moment. She and Mickey visibly relaxed.

"Thank you," she breathed.

However, Pete persisted, "But we're still concerned about _you_. Ingrid said your heart was beating dangerously fast after you passed out, and we don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Jackie gave a swift nod and commented, "That's the most sense you've made in days."

"But I'm fine now!"

"After sleeping for 13 hours," Mickey pointed out.

"Well..." drawled Ingrid, "I don't know if that was the attack or Rose's superpowers. Most likely, it was a combination. The other psychics were pretty addled, and many were knocked out. Actually, the strongest ones are still unconscious... which seems kind of backwards."

"There was no defense against it," explained Rose bitterly, "It was like the more... awakened your senses, the more of you was open to attack." She had acquired a far-off, haunted expression as she spoke, and everyone went silent. Her teammates looked traumatised themselves, and Jackie put an arm around her shoulders.

"I've never heard you scream like that," Mickey said quietly. Rose pulled him into a tight hug, and he held her fiercely.

"Sorry I scared you."

"We're digressing," Pete interrupted. "We still don't know if this thing you do is harmful to you. And even if we hide it for now, if it keeps happening, that'll become difficult."

"It won't happen again... probably?" Rose tried with a wince. Pete just looked sternly back at her. Even Jackie seemed to have suddenly made up with him, joining in on the glaring. Rose honestly did not know what to tell them, and for that matter, she found it undesirable to get into the subject of Bad Wolf just yet. Instead, she begged more time to think about what to do. The group then sussed out what should go on the official report.

The team had learned of the weapon from the first krey they killed. So, they soon located it but had to draw several aliens away from it to get a good look. Rose and Jake had done that, leading the aliens on a merry chase until a separate krey had found Mickey and Ingrid, shoved them aside, and turned it on. Jake was then shot while defending Rose's writhing form. Finally, the pair of techies shut the inhibitor chips off remotely and eventually overloaded the machine. It made Mickey and Ingrid look like geniuses and Rose and Jake look like master soldiers, with so many krey mowed down by gunfire – but it was still more plausible than a mediocre psychic using time magic to do the wildly improbable.

"Alright, you'd best go home and recover," Ingrid ordered at the conclusion, but Rose snorted.

"You go home. I slept for 13 hours, and I know it was a war zone out there before we even left, so I'm sure it was a disaster by the time we got back. Where can I help?"

* * *

It was nearly a day before Rose managed to get Mickey alone to talk. She desperately needed someone to work things through with her, and he was the one she trusted the most. 

She didn't mince words, starting, "Mickey, there's something I didn't mention to anyone." To her surprise, he merely cocked his head and waited for her to continue, as if he had expected this. Figured. Rose took a breath and continued,

"The leader on the ship. His name was Badwulf." Now Mickey's eyes widened.

"Seriously? Bad Wolf?" Rose nodded.

"That... can't be a coincidence. The bay in Norway, and now some random alien?" Mickey wondered aloud, and Rose found herself deeply grateful for his lack of skepticism.

"But I don't know what it means! Last time it cropped up, Bad Wolf was a message to myself. It told me I could get back to the Doctor."

"Maybe it means he's coming back for you?" Her heart wanted to flutter at the idea, but instead it clenched. She shook her head as she spoke, anguished.

"No, that's not right. The words didn't make me sit tight and wait for the Doctor last time; it helped me realize what _I_ needed to do to get back to him. But what resources do I have? Last time, I needed to access the heart of the TARDIS, but there's no... TARDIS..." she trailed off.

Mickey blinked at her and said, "What?"

"Me. There's some of the TARDIS in me, Mickey! But what am I supposed to do with it?! All it does is make me sort of psychic!" Growing excitement in her tone had been replaced with frustration.

"Is that all it can do? And I say, 'all,' but really, no other mere psychic we have could take out that machine with their brain."

"I-" she stopped.

Mickey watched her carefully and prodded, "Or is that all it's done so far?"

"It's... I mean, what happened on the ship, it was still just psychic energy. An excess, yeah, but not even anything I can control. But... originally, I thought any psychic skill I had was just a back door the TARDIS left herself in my brain. A connection to her specifically, and to the Doctor by association. And then it grew. What if it's not done growing?"

"What if it hurts you, Rose?"

Rose waved her hand at the question, "That's a chance I'm willing to take. But what do I do? Let it grow at its own rate? I think I should try and, like, train it, yeah? Get to know my inner wolf. What do people do when they need to find themselves?" She looked at Mickey expectantly, and the man spent a long moment considering.

"Well, in the movies, they always go to Tibet."


	6. Looking Within

**Title:** Looking Within  
**Author:** Shen  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Setting/Spoilers:** Post-Doomsday, in my Peril-verse (see my profile). Recap of said 'verse is at _http://shengirl_ _dot livejournal dot com/8390 dot html_  
**Characters:** Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, Jake, Jackie and Pete Tyler, OCs  
**Teaser:** Rose has landed in the other universe. Should she hope for a way back or carve out a new life for herself? And what unexpected resources might she find on the way? Action/Adventure Reunion!fic.  
**Author's Note:**  
The hours approaching, to give it your best  
You've got to reach your prime.  
That's when you need to put yourself to the test  
And show us a passage of time  
Were going to need a montage! (montage!)  
Ooh it takes a montage! (montage!)

"Montage," by Team America

**Chapter 6: Looking Within**

As it happened, getting away from home and Torchwood wasn't that difficult.

"Pete," Rose began one night after Jackie had gone to bed, "I've thought about my power. And you're right; it's dangerous as long as I have no control over it. Whether it hurts me directly or not." She was using an expression acquired at Torchwood, the serious and respectful soldier. Pete nodded gravely.

"I'm glad you see it my way. Have you put any thought into what to do about it? You don't want to be studied, and I understand that, but if we can't tell Torchwood, we can't use its resources either. There's no getting anyone to monitor or help you."

"No one associated with them, you mean," Rose asserted. This drew an eyebrow quirk out of her parallel dad.

"Know anyone I don't know?" At that, she had to smile. There was literally no one she knew well in this universe that Pete didn't also know. She really had spent too much time at work.

"When I first came upon these powers..." she trailed off suddenly, caught by her own choice of words. She'd "come" to the realization she had them about 20 minutes before she just plain came. It was the first time she and the Doctor had-

"Um, Rose?"

"Sorry!" She blushed and continued after a vigorous shake of the head. "When I was first learning how to use my ability, I had to learn to meditate. Focus. And if this power is growing, I need to really focus on it, and I thought, 'Who's really great at meditating?' Monks, obviously. So I think I should go to China or Tibet or somewhere like that." She held her breath awaiting his response.

"...You know a lot of monks are sworn not to touch any women, right?"

Rose pressed on, "Well, there has to be some sect somewhere. I'll do whatever I need to to get some genuine training. Pursue enlightenment, whatever you want to call it. And New Age gurus who've taken a couple yoga classes aren't going to do it, are they? And the team's sort of out of commission while Jake recovers anyway." Pete crossed his arms and began to nod.

"You're right. And if you say what you need is training, I'll send you wherever you need to go."

"Far away. And alone; I have to do this myself." Rose didn't want to be able to get in touch with anyone easily. She had put a lot of thought into it, and it seemed important that work be unable to call her in with any frequency. Whatever she did would have to be immersive, a serious commitment. Even if part of the TARDIS lived in her, she'd barely had a sense of what that could mean until days ago. She could be powerful, discover useful talents, or most importantly of all, get back to her Doctor. The one question that scarcely flitted across Rose's mind was if she _should._ Even if he had a new companion or two, she was fairly confident he had not replaced her. He had explained how serious a mental connection to a lover was, and she had an idea of how desolate he must feel without it – the sensation still jarred her from time to time. No, they were special, and as alone in the world as he was, he might even need her more than she needed him.

And she'd said, "Forever," dammit.

Some research later, Rose found a monastery in Japan that practiced something like her universe's Buddhism. As it happened, the Torchwood leaders had a vague interest in its head monk due to rumors of his abilities – just not enough international clout or motivation to investigate it. That wouldn't be her purpose, however, just "personal growth," as she put on the paperwork for her leave of absence. Her mother was surprisingly understanding, merely saying, "Shoulda known you wouldn't sit still forever."

"You have a phone that can call the past, even when it's a galaxy away. You better remember to call your poor mum, y'hear?" Jackie threatened as she pulled her daughter into a hug. Rose smiled even as her heart grew heavy. In the past, she'd always had this conversation with the Doctor nearby, usually shuffling his feet, hand twitching until it could once again grasp hers.

"It doesn't call through time without the TAR-" she caught her mother's withering glare, "Nevermind. Anyway, déjà vu, Mum. You _know_ I'll call. I love you!" She then turned to Pete and extended a hand to shake, only to have it batted away. The man dragged her into a hug.

To Rose's surprise, he began to whisper in her ear, "Never think I don't appreciate what you did for me, Rose. Found my Jackie through you and the Doctor. So take care of yourself, alright?" His voice was sincere and just a little bit raw, and when Rose pulled away, she had to sniffle a bit.

"Will do, Pete. Thanks for everything." Just then, a wiry mass of limbs blindsided her, making her stumble.

"Don't just call your mother; your team needs love, too," Ingrid ordered sternly, delivering a crushing embrace. Rose nodded and was then allowed access to oxygen again, whereupon Mickey stepped in front of her.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," he told her with a smile. She smirked back.

"No fun in that, is there?" They chuckled and threw their arms around each other in a warm, friendly hug. It was Rose's turn to whisper in someone's ear.

"I don't mean it _that_ way, Mickey, but I do love you." It was something that was true long ago but would have been insensitive to say before he had left her and the Doctor. He'd matured past his want of her, however, and Rose felt it needed to be said.

"You too, Chippy," was the response she got, and smile in his voice was audible. Then, it was off to the airport.

It had been a long flight, a few train rides, an expensive taxi drive, and an exceedingly steep hike. This wasn't exactly a tourist monastery. Rose walked up to the main entrance tiredly but maintained her poise, going for self-assuredness without arrogance. A young man in blue and white robes who was sweeping the front area was the first to greet her.

"Konnichi wa. Aki de gozaimasu. Dare desu ka?"

"Watashi wa Rose desu. Doozo yoroshiku."

"Hajimemashite. Ogenki desu ka?" And here Rose just blinked at him, then shrugged apologetically. They had reached the end of her hastily-acquired Japanese vocabulary. So, she abruptly sat on the ground and mimed meditating, crossing her legs and putting her hands on her knees. The monk looked amused.

"Sumimasen." He disappeared into the building, and Rose stood up and brushed herself off. Several minutes later, he returned with a man who looked to be in his sixties. His movements were spry and eyes critical.

"You wish to meditate here? You need no permission, but watch the time. This mountain is impossible to leave safely in the dark." English, thank god! The voice reminded her bizarrely of Master Splinter, but she shoved the thought aside.

"I wish to learn, if you'll have me," Rose replied evenly. "My name is Rose."

"Learn?" he asked with some disbelief. Rose gave him a grave nod.

"I've heard of your skill. I need to learn to meditate, to concentrate, and I'm willing to do anything you need for payment. I'm not a freeloader. But it's... important to me. And I'm a very good student."

"What does a young bottle blonde know of concentration? Of persistent meditation?" Strangely, his voice did not sound accusatory; it was almost devoid of emotion. Rose merely stared back at him determinedly, not letting him rile her up by either insults or apathy.

"More than you'd think. I've trained before." At this, the man cocked his head, displaying interest for the first time.

Affecting an almost conspirational tone, he asked, "Did you feel it? Just under a week ago? Did your mind burst aflame?" So he _was_ a psychic! And by asking her about the krey attack, he meant to find out if she was as well.

"It burned in ways even you wouldn't expect," she answered honestly. Without another word, the monk walked up to her and placed fingertips to her brow. She felt a ghost of a presence hovering outside her mental barriers, then prodding them.

"Ah, so it is that kind of training you seek. But you already seem collected and skilled. You have fine barriers; what need you of me?" Rose struggled to find the words, knowing this was important.

"Look, I sort of need to... find myself. And I've been around, seen things from all over, been places you can't imagine. But what I'm searching for is, I think, in me." Literally, she thought. "I would really appreciate your help learning how to shut out what's out there and concentrate on what's not." At this, the man finally cracked a small smile.

"Wise. Some answers can only be found by looking within. Realizing this is a good first step." And it was as simple as that.

Before he'd let her do any psychic exercises, Mizuno-Sensei made sure she was proficient at meditation. To her surprise, a small number of men and women of varying ages took these lessons with her, though none were psychic. Mizuno-sensei believed that everyone could benefit from meditation and could learn to do it well. So, over several weeks, Rose became adept at emptying her mind, grounded by the simplicities of solid wooden floors, basic robes, and fresh mountain air. She would nearly enter a trance as she pushed all worries, stray thoughts, and emotions away. Then, she turned that concentration inward, focusing on self-examination. Her awareness broadened over the months, and the senses awakened by the process astounded Rose. The psychic part of her was no longer something she just threw blocks around and ignored when she didn't need it. It was always there, as natural to use and extend as her own hands. If she left herself open to it, and Mizuno-Sensei did the same, she could even catch his moods and emotions much like she used to do with the Doctor. She'd had no idea it was possible to do that with someone with whom she didn't have a specific link.

It was during one of these training exercises that Mizuno-Sensei began to look at her with sincere concern.

"You have such heavy melancholy, girl. Bone deep, and deeper. What's happened to a girl of so few years to create such a feeling?"

"I lost someone," she answered. The raw loss, still able to catch her unawares even now, began to well up, and Rose hastily shut off all psychic connections with him. This made him give her a rather alarmed look.

"I loved him, and... I miss him," she continued simply. Then, the words came in a rush, as if of their own volition. "He actually taught me this, taught me to control it. But without him, it all feels so empty. Nothing's like connecting with him was, all blue and brown and bursting with manic energy. There's this place in my mind where he used to sit, where he could reach out and wrap me in him. It felt like ancient time and fire and unfathomable power, and it felt _safe._" Rose fell silent, then blushed profusely at her candor. Chancing a nervous glance at her teacher, she saw confusion. Great, she thought, now he thinks you're a nutter. However, after several moments, he spoke to her softly.

"I'm sorry. He must have been very special, to have such a deep bond with you."

Rose smiled a little and responded, "Well, he was also very good at this stuff." Mizuno-Sensei seemed to think this was enough for one day and let her go to her chores. Because when not training, Rose washed floors, cooked, or swept with the other inhabitants. She also exercised frequently, reasoning that Torchwood had given her the best abs of her life and that it would be a crime to lose them.

When she moved on to looking for the Bad Wolf within, she used her TARDIS key as a focus. A bit of the ship's heart lived in her, and the key was grown from the ship's body, so it seemed to make sense. The Wolf manifested to her as a well of light and power, visible only from the deepest trance. It lay behind a screen of sorts, bright and dangerous, and it took a long time for her to learn to entice tendrils of that light through the screen. After a while, interesting things started happening. First, her sense of time became impeccable. She found this neat, if of dubious usefulness. She would never need an alarm again, at least. Her mind began to translate Japanese next, with increasing clarity as time went on – something that made monastery life much less lonely. The key itself also learned some new tricks. At first, she was gleeful at getting it to warm slightly, but on occasion it would burn or even glow.

By this point, Mizuno-Sensei had long run out of things to teach. Mysterious sources of inner power latent within one's brain were not things he had ever seen, after all, but he let her stay and continue training anyway, until ten months had come and gone. Eventually, however, it was time for her to go.

After having bid goodbye to everyone else at the monastery, Rose stood with the old man just outside of it. Her hair had grown long and dark, and her eyes held a new depth and confidence. She said sincerely, "I'll never forget what I learned here, Sensei. And I won't forget you either! Thank you." He smiled at her.

"I trust you will not go telling your bosses what you found here? I am a simple man, best left to teaching and quiet contemplation." His gaze was teasing; he trusted her.

She joked back, "Expect an invasion team next week, Mr. Miagi. Thank you again!"

"Mister what?" he asked, puzzled. Rose just grinned, turned around and began hiking down the mountain, tears welling in her eyes and a smile on her face. She felt sad to leave the place where she had learned so much, but there was happiness as well. It had been impossible to connect to the TARDIS through the bit of it left within her; it was sealed off a universe away. But she had an idea for getting around that little problem.


	7. Coming Home

**Title:** Looking Within  
**Author:** Shen  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Setting/Spoilers:** Post-Doomsday, in my Peril-verse (see my profile). Recap of said 'verse is at _http://shengirl_ _dot livejournal dot com/8390 dot html_  
**Characters:** Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, Jake, Jackie and Pete Tyler, OCs, Ten, Donna, Torchwood  
**Teaser:** Rose has landed in the other universe. Should she hope for a way back or carve out a new life for herself? And what unexpected resources might she find on the way? Action/Adventure Reunion!fic.  
**Author's Note:** Here we are at last! Truckloads of thanks for you guys who comment, seriously. Comments are love, as well as extremely helpful. Enjoy!

**Chapter 7: Coming Home**

At last, Rose was back in London. She stepped out of the airport and breathed deeply, embracing the familiar pollution like a long-lost friend. It was off, not quite the scent of her childhood, but she still found it comforting. She had, minutes before, received an enthusiastic welcome at the gate from Mickey, Pete, her mum, and her new (ish) baby brother, Mark. Holding him carefully, she had looked into her mother's face and seen something wistful about her.

"_Hey, I told you I was up here training my power, right? And if all else fails, it'll make me a fantastic Torchwood agent," Rose had said to Jackie in a phone call months before._

_"...If all else fails?" she asked suspiciously. Rose swallowed._

_"Yeah. Mum, this power comes from Bad Wolf. Remember that? Words scattered in time and space? It... led me back to the Doctor. And with the bay in Norway, I thought maybe..."_

_Jackie hurriedly pounced on Rose's nervous pause, "Oh, sweetheart, don't hold out on a coincidence." The desperate edge to her mother's tone made Rose wince._

_She gently continued, "But that wasn't it. The krey, the captain of the ship I was on was named Bad Wolf. And I think I've figured it out. How to get back." There was a loaded pause._

_"Oh."_

_"I hate the thought that I'm abandoning you. Please don't think that; that I don't love you! But I told him I'd made my choice a long time ago, that my forever was his. And, Mum, he needs me more than you do. You've got Pete and a little boy on the way..."_

The rest of that conversation had been stilted and awkward. However, any sense of betrayal had apparently been worked through over the months, because the ride back to the Tyler Manor was filled with stories and laughter.

After dropping off her bag and getting a shower, Rose said, "I'm awful hungry. Can we have some junk food? Pizza, burgers – anything that doesn't have rice. I didn't exactly have a lot of time to run off to the nearest mall and get fast food while training in the mountains. Ooh!" she interrupted herself excitedly, "Nevermind; can we have chips?" This universe's Britain didn't much appreciate chips, since they were so bad for you. Luckily, to cheer up Rose and Jackie after they initially arrived, Pete had bought a deep fryer from the United States.

The four called up Ingrid and Jake, and the lot of them tucked into homemade fish and chips. Rose's friends wanted to drag her out for a night on the town, but a huge yawn cut the thought short.

"Sorry!" she managed before another yawn overtook her. "I didn't sleep for the whole trip back here to avoid jet lag. I think I've been up for 30 hours." This led to her mother swatting her for not taking care of herself and a very quick series of goodbyes.

The next morning, Jackie insisted upon cutting her overgrown hair.

"Oh, Mum, you don't have to. As much as you did it before we came here, I thought you'd never want to touch a comb and scissors at the same time again."

Jackie scolded, "Don't be ridiculous. Does good work, Davan, but I can cut my own daughter's hair before she leaves home for good." Rose blushed profusely. Of course, this was an act of care. One of the last things she'd be able to do for her only daughter. There was a long pause, filled by only the sound of the faucet as Jackie washed her hair. Rose sat feeling guilty for even trying to refuse the gift.

Finally, Jackie broke the silence, "We'll get you some new mascara next. Poor man probably won't recognize you without it."

"Mum!"

* * *

Rose explained to Pete that she needed to get to Cardiff. The rift in time and space present in her own universe was also present here The city even had a whole other branch of Torchwood because of it.

"The Rift runs through the whole city, but the very center of it is in the Torchwood headquarters there. They have a Rift manipulator as well, which you might need. I can't get you in there as a civilian, though, nor even as a member of Torchwood London without a good excuse. I'll take you off of leave and put you in for a transfer."

So Rose filled her time with nights out on the town with her team, movies and soap operas with her mother and little brother, and work. As it happened, lots of work. With her newfound translating abilities, far superior to any translation technology possessed by Torchwood, she was ordered to resolve numerous diplomatic issues that had previously been slow-going due to communication problems. Then, she had to decode piles of alien writing. In between all that were rough field missions. Just the first two weeks had her team stopping a sect of body-snatchers, mediating an alien immigrant domestic dispute (that species' disputes were settled in a way involving slime, ceremonial drums, and combat) and hunting down a family of weevils that had somehow gotten to London from Cardiff.

"You're just trying to wring as much use out of me as you can before I leave, aren't you, Pete?" Rose accused half-seriously after receiving stitches on her arm. That weevil bite would definitely be a scar.

"You're uniquely qualified. Lucky I'm letting you go at all, you are," he teased back. So, for three weeks, Rose lived and worked to the fullest before finally getting a transfer to Cardiff.

* * *

"If I ever figure a safe way back, I'll be over here like a shot for a visit, alright?" Rose tried to assure her family through her tears. She was hugging her mother fiercely.

"I know. Just be careful, sweetheart!" Rose nodded against her shoulder before breaking away and turning to Mickey.

"Rose, you make him give you a good life, y'hear? You deserve the best." He clutched her just as tightly as her mother had; it was all Rose could do to keep from bawling.

"Thank you, Mickey," and it was for so much more than just his caring words of the moment. There was a long string of emotional goodbyes and I love yous, but eventually she got on the train and left the city. Upon arriving in Cardiff, she went straight to the headquarters, which for some reason were underground, and met the staff.

"I can feel it," she said suddenly, after completing the short tour.

"Feel what?" asked Ryan Page, the medic.

"The Rift! I mean, I felt it as soon as I got in the city, but _here!_ I'm practically breathing it in."

"You can sense the Rift? It says in your file you're psychic, but normal psychics can't feel it that clearly, if at all," Ryan wondered. Rose turned and smiled at him mysteriously.

"I'm not a normal psychic. And if I just concentrate..." She closed her eyes. It seemed she was right; a rip in time and space was just that. The cold of the Void felt inches away. Rose eased herself into a trance-like state, diving into her consciousness and finding the wolf there. It was volatile, straining at its screen instead of resting quietly in its well like usual. A small pull, and the power surged forward, taking Rose's senses and plunging into the Void with them. Ah, there it was – ever-so-faint, the TARDIS. And inside, her mate. All she had to do was reach... a little farther...

When Rose had closed her eyes, everyone had been staring at her, bewildered. But now, something started to beep.

She just barely heard Toshiko Sato exclaim, "Rift activity!"

"What the- she's glowing!"

* * *

Jack Harkness was sitting in his office, poring over paperwork, when he heard a shout.

"Everyone!" Toshiko called. "Rift activity, and it's right in the Hub!" The team materialized from the nooks and crannies of the facility.

"Where exactly, Tosh?" Jack demanded as he drew his revolver. It was just a precaution – it could as easily be a lost alien child as a ravenous monster – but he was glad to see the rest of the team mimic him.

"Right... there," Tosh answered, pointing to the area near the Rift manipulator. Everyone arranged themselves around it with a wide berth, tense. Gradually, a spot in the air began to crackle and glow with murky orange Rift energy.

"I bet five pounds it's a weevil," said Owen.

Gwen snorted, "Ten says it's not even humanoid."

"Done." Staring intently as he was, Jack perceived a second light emerging from the first. This one was more golden, bright and clear. Slowly, a figure began to take form.

"Humanoid!" Owen crowed triumphantly.

"We don't know if it's weevil yet," defended Gwen.

"Will you two concen...trate..." Jack was struck dumb by the sight that confronted him.

"Jack?" Ianto asked with some concern.

Just then, Tosh went, "It looks like a woman!"

"Yeah, well, humans don't have creepy glowing eyes. Don't lower your gun yet," warned Owen.

"No!" Jack was finally galvanized into action by the physician's words, and he threw himself in front of his team's guns.

"Don't shoot! I know her! Rose?!"

"What's that noise?" asked Gwen, alarmed.

* * *

"If you're finally ready, Donna, it's time to land. We're headed- oof!" The Doctor had been cut off by a sudden pitch of the TARDIS.

Donna, who had been knocked off her feet, exclaimed, "What's going on?"

"Ow. We've been pulled off-course. But, nothing seems wrong. Where are you going, eh?" He stopped check a display. "Cardiff? What?"

"Doctor?" Donna sounded truly worried, but the Doctor had no comfort for her. They had begun to materialize into the unknown. And what was that! Blinding light filled the console room. After a moment, it dissipated, and a figure was at its center. Someone was banging on the door; Donna was asking a question a second; but all the Doctor could do was gape and stagger forward.

"Rose?" His voice was hushed and hopeful. The banging outside suddenly stopped.

"My Doctor," Rose replied, making eye contact with him and smiling at last. The light around her was fading slowly.

"You... how?" managed the Doctor. His lover, his amazing girl, grinned even wider. It was the look she got-

"Had to come back. No Jaffa Cakes in Pete's World."

-when she had been thinking of a joke for a while.

"Haha!" He embraced her. "You've been waiting for months for that, haven't you? Rose?" The amusement turned to alarm as she slumped against him.

"Rose?" he exclaimed again.

Jack came in the door and spoke, "Went and got my key – you guys wait out here – Rose?"

"Wait, _the_ Rose?!" Donna asked.

END

_Don't kill me! This scene to be continued in the upcoming tale, tentatively titled "Settling In!"_


End file.
